To start the ball rolling again, lets look at Christ's words:
" 15If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18Truly, I say to you,whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven" (Matt 18:15-18).
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God" (Matt 5:9).
These verses are famous. Notice, these scripture are not directed at non-believers. They are a command to children of God to resolve their disputes in a way that is different from how the secular world resolves its disputes. When was the last time you heard of or saw someone take a dispute before the church body or leadership? Again, many churches have dropped the ball, but so have many believers. After all, the process starts with the believer, not with the church.
First, Christ advises us to attempt to resolve disputes among believers privately, by discussion between just the persons involved (see Matt 18:15). If a private discussion does not resolve the dispute, then Christ advises us to bring it before 1 or 2 other believers (Matt 18:16), but if the conflict continues, then Christ advises us to take it before the Church (Matt 18:17). Where someone refuses to listen to the Church, Christ advises us to treat him in the same fashion as a non-believer (Matt 18:17). Regardless, Christ has taught us that those who seek first to make peace shall be blessed (Matt 5:9).
As an attorney, I often see people, even believers, taking others to court. Often, the decision to sue someone is a person's immediate reaction to a conflict/dispute, and that is unfortunate. It is true that I get paid to handle litigation (civil lawsuits), but it is also true that I get paid to help people find less expensive, less damaging ways to resolve their problems. My favorite method is "Christian conciliation," which is a fancy way of saying: resolve your disputes Biblically!
There are many reasons to look to the Bible when presented with a dispute. The first is, obviously, to please, honor, and glorify God. Every conflict/dispute is an opportunity to for those involved to glorify God by following His Word. A second reason to resolve a dispute Biblically is that the Bible promises that persons striving to make peace will be blessed (Matthew 5 does not qualify that statement). Probably, any remaining advantages to Biblical resolution of disputes/conflicts flow from that blessing. However, to be more specific, there are three more really good reasons to resolve your disputes Biblically: (1) it works; and (2) it focuses on reparining damaged relationships not just chasing money; and (3) it is almost always cheaper/more cost-effective than going to court.
The following is a common fee structure for a superior court in Georgia: $85 to file for divorce; $80 for other civil actions (including business disputes and personal injuries); and $25 each time the sheriff has to serve someone with process (at least once per each defendant in a lawsuit). These fees are in addition to those of your attorney. Attorneys handle most cases on an hourly rate or a flat rate based on a projected number of hours at an hourly rate, so the longer it takes to resolve your dispute, the more it will cost you.
Litigation begins with the filing of a complaint and continues through judgment and all appeals. This process can take years to complete. The discovery (investigation) phase alone can last up to 6 months or more. While litigation might result in you receiving a money judgment, there is never a guarantee you will win. If you lose, then you are worse off than when you started. If you win, you may still get a judgment for an amount less than the cost of bringing the lawsuit, making the lawsuit a waste of time and money. Even if you get a huge judgment, it has to be collected, and it is tough to "squeeze blood out of a turnip," so to speak.
So, what is the Biblical alternative? First, try to work out your disputes privately, just like Christ encouraged. Often, conflicts can just be "taked out." Sometimes, in more difficult situations, negotiation resulting in a written agreement can be used to both prevent and settle disputes (it is often helpful, even at this stage, to get a legal professional to actually draft any written agreements to ensure that they will work in court, but you can also do it yourself).
If you cannot resolve a conflict with a fellow believer privately, then get a couple brothers/sisters from church to listen to all sides and help you work out the dispute. If that doesn't work, then get your pastor and the church involved. Surely you trust men and women of God to judge your dispute more than you would a secular judge/jury?
If none of these options work, then Christ tells us treat that opponent as a non-believer (assuming s/he is a believer to begin with). When that happens, it is time to discuss your options with an attorney (if you have not done so already). Remember, if you truly cannot afford to hire an attorney - there are non-profit organizations like Legal Aid available to assist you.
A good attorney will listen to your problem and walk you through the pros and cons of each option available to you (as opposed to just telling you what to do with no explanation). A good attorney should also advise you that there are alternatives to litigation and courts, even when dealing with non-believers. Your attorney can often negotiate a settlement or help you in obtaining a mediation or arbitration of the dispute. Mediation involves sitting down with a skilled mediator who listens to both sides and helps them find a mutually agreeable solution to the problem that the parties sign off on as a legally binding settlement. Arbitration is an alternative to litigation and trials where an arbitrator hears both sides and issues and issues a legally binding decision (much like a judge).
If you hire a Christian attorney (I know we're rare, but we do exist), then he will (hopefully) introduce you to Peacemaker Ministries (http://www.peacemaker.net/), which provides believers with Christian mediation and arbitration services that will focus on repairing the relationships involved rather than just the conflicts.
As a last resort, you can still take your opponent(s) to court. Christ advises us treat believers who refuse to resolve their disputes Biblically as though they were non-believers. Sometimes, it is best to "turn the other cheek," but this does not always result in making peace. Peacemakers are blessed, not peacefakers (the term "peacefaker" was coined by Ken Sande, president of Peacemaker Ministries and author of "The Peacemaker").
Ignoring a continuing, ongoing dispute is not making but faking peace by turning a blind eye to the conflict. There are disputes that have to be actively resolved, and "turning the other cheek" does not mean that we can just ignore all our problems until they go away. I could write a whole post on discerning which disputes can be overlooked and which ones cannot, but suffice it to say that there are disputes/conflicts (such as physical abuse, marital strife, employment disputes...) that must be resolved and cannot be overlooked if peace is to be made. When such a conflict arises, it is always wise to seek the Lord's will first. It is also wise, when someone is physically hurting you, to immediately seek legal counsel and judicial intervention to keep you safe until a solution is found and peace can be made.
Whatever you decide, remember that, as a Christian, we must consider both what gives glory to God and what will result in peace. Often the best way to discern what will give God glory in a situation is to read His Word, mediate upon it, and to pray. God will lead you out of the darkness.
Bottom line: going to court isn't cheap, and while it might get you some money, it rarely glorifies God or repairs any damage to the relationships involved. Also, there are usually alternatives available that are more efficient and cost-effective.
***Disclaimer: I am an attorney, but I am not YOUR attorney, meaning that the advice in this blog post is general advice for the masses and not tailored to anyone's specific needs/concerns/issues. I advise anyone with a legal question or a conflict to speak with an attorney and give that attorney the benefit of all the facts. Obviously, the best legal advice will come from a skilled and trustworthy attorney fully acquainted with the situation you are facing rather than someone offering legal tips on a blog.
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