Dating: Experience and Regret

Many people oppose the concept of dating because of the likelihood of heartache and pain it can cause. Often, people think that they will regret all their dating experiences later in life, after and perhaps even before they actually get married.

In my life, I've certainly had cause to regret things that happened while I was dating. However, when I really take a look at what I regret, it's not the fact that I dated a particular person (except when she was not a Christian). What I regret are my own actions -- actions that were sinful, regardless of the context. Dating certainly provides special opportunities to "fall short of the glory of God," but so do most other activities in our lives.

More recently, as I've made more effort to submit this area of my life to the Lord, I've had experiences that I can look back on fondly. I've had the opportunity to enjoy time spent with women, and even after parting company I can see that it was the right thing and I don't feel regretful over that time.

It's difficult to shake the mindset that every time we break up or stop seeing someone, we have somehow failed. But the Lord has much to teach us, and sometimes He brings us together with someone to learn from them, either about others or ourselves. With this in mind, the most important thing is to date in a lighthearted spirit, enjoying the opportunity to get to know another creature precious to God. Perhaps He will guide you to share your lives, perhaps not; but in all, He is in control. Make sure that everything you do while with that person is pleasing to Him, and there will be no need for regret.

No spirit of fear...

Given the topic of yesterday's post, it is ironic that my dailybibleverse today (which I get every day via email) was 2 Timothy 1:6-7:

"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."

Paul had, according to the New Testament, a gift: he placed his hands on a believer, and then that believer was imbued with a flaming overdose of the Holy Spirit. I am not sure precisely what the impact of this was, but Paul felt it necessary to remind Timothy to stoke that flame and remember that the spirit Timothy had received from the Lord was not one of timidity.

I cited this passage in my post about guarding your heart, and I received it back today via email. That fans my flame a bit, so I want to share with you the commentary I received with that verse:

The apostle Paul pulls no punches with his young protégé, Timothy. Even though Timothy was a timid man, Paul is reminding him that Christian leadership should
not be based upon a personality type, but upon reliance upon the Spirit of God. Each of us has gifts from God that He wants to use. Whether you are timid or aggressive, our hope doesn't come from our temperament, but from a gifting that is waiting to burst forth into flames as we take the time to fan it.

-Dave Whitehead, Senior Pastor, GraceNYC.org.

There is a lot to take away from this verse, but I think Whitehead points to an important truth: Christian boldness is not a personality issue. God calls all personality types to his service, and being a timid person (like Moses was, at least in the beginning) is no cause for rejecting the calling the Lord has given you. It's not our temperament but our faith that causes us to live boldly according to what we believe, and, for that reason, fear alone is not a good basis for any decision you make as a Christian.