In my previous post, I talked about situations where we let rules which do not come from God's law govern our thoughts and actions. I wanted to expand on that point here.
In mathematics, there are statements known as "axioms" which represent statements of truth. These axioms are typically propositions which could not be arrived at in any way other than assuming they are true. For example, in solving some equations and axiom might be provided stating that "x = 7".
Once this has been established, it can be treated as always true, and can be used in other statements. Often in abstract math assignments an axiom of this nature is simply provided. No explanation for why the variable x is equal to 7 is provided, nor is it typically asked for. Once this statement has been accepted, many consequences will follow, but the time for considering whether x is truly equal to 7 is over.
Axioms have great effect on everything that relies on them. They can be the key to deciphering a complicated equation. Our lives don't rely on equations, but they are guided by axioms of another kind -- moral axioms. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is not a rule which can necessarily be derived, it must be given. However, once it is accepted as truth, it has a profound effect on all that follows it.
Since axioms are so powerful, we must guard ourselves against accepting the wrong things as axiomatic. Our culture is constantly trying to establish new axioms in the minds of the people, some of which are good but many of which are profoundly wrong.
When we approach a situation, our minds tend to look for an axiomatic solution first, relying on logic and reason only if one cannot be found. For example, consider whether it would be acceptable for a private company to refuse to hire non-Caucasians. When I consider this issue, my mind does not contemplate the possible merits of such an arrangement, it immediately reaches the conclusion that this is an unacceptable thing to do. This conclusion is reached before I have weighed any arguments, because non-discrimination is axiomatic in my mind.
The trouble here is that if we accept the wrong axiomatic propositions, then we will make wrong moral choices consistently, even if we know the Scripture which disproves the axiom. Cultural, worldly propositions have a tendency to get into our thought processes before Scriptural ones.
Consider this situation. A candidate comes up for consideration to be an elder at your church. He is a strong Christian, a good leader, a good man, and a good husband. However, his high school-aged children are unruly and rebellious, rejecting God and living according to the world's standards. Would we reject such a man for consideration? How about if he already was an elder, and his children only then became rebellious?
Not only would most of us suggest that the man above should be made an elder, we probably cannot conceive of a church which would remove him from his position due to the actions of his high school- or middle school-aged children. I can hardly imagine any other answer. Yet in 1 Timothy 3:4-5, we read this about an elder in the church: "He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?"
My point is not necessarily that we should be removing more elders from their positions, but that I can hardly bring myself to recommend that it should ever be done. Propositions I have accepted from society as a whole make it nearly impossible for me to submit to the authority of Scripture in this area.
The world has been working very hard to push new axiomatic statements onto the population, and having pushed them, it then attempts to make them "common sense" or "conventional wisdom" to make those who disagree with these statements seem like outsiders or outliers. Some examples are: "Homosexuality is morally equivalent to heterosexuality"; "Marriage is just a societal acknowledgment of two or more people who love each other, has no sacred element, and can be redefined as we see fit"; "Women are the same as men"; "Religion is a primitive relic of the past"; "Science disproves faith"; "Religious faith is irrational"; "Christians are judgmental and hateful"; etc.
As Christians, our full set of axioms should come from Scripture. God has provided all the foundational propositions we need to live righteous lives in His service. It's important that we not allow worldly propositions into our minds, because of the power that axioms have to distort our thinking. When I consider the elder mentioned above, I did not use God's standards to decide how I should act with respect to that situation, I used the world's standards. I didn't consider God's standard, because I had already found an axiom which covered the situation. It wasn't necessary to consider the situation against Scripture, even though I knew the relevant passage, because I already had an answer before I got that far in my thought process.
As Proverbs states and John discussed below, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23) We must fill our hearts with God's righteousness, then guard them against infiltration by ideas such as the ones above which will lead us astray.
Thankfully for all of us, we don't have to listen to any worldly wisdom, because God has given us everything we truly need in the form of His holy Word.
Showing posts with label Logic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Logic. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
The Unexamined Life
"The unexamined life is not worth living."
-Socrates
Over time, I have come to find that there are many unexamined assumptions in my thinking, assumptions which are already in place before I start to logically consider an issue. Everyone has unexamined assumptions, and they can often get in the way, but they're especially problematic when it comes to our faith.
American culture has many norms and values which vary significantly from those espoused in the New Testament. To see the effect the culture can have on our thinking, we need only to look at earlier Western civilizations.
The Greeks and Romans had no problem with slavery. Many Romans doubted that a modern society could work without their labor. Women were not only not equal to men, they were far inferior -- they could not participate in the political process, and typically could not own property. In Roman society, marriage and family were not especially important elements in a man's life. A Roman man focused his efforts on his work, valuing his family life to a significantly lesser degree.
Today, we see these views as ranging from abhorrent to misguided, but we feel a strong instinctual distaste for them. Yet these values were held by many of the people who founded Western civilization, and we retain and greatly value much of their legacy. Our modern culture has taught us that the above views are wrong, and we tend to disagree with those views reflexively. We rarely take the time to consider why slavery is wrong, or why women should be considered equal to men. Given time we could formulate an argument, but we don't see any need -- our culture believes these practices wrong, and we can rely on the assumption that others who share in that culture will believe the same things we do.
The trouble is, of course, that there were Christians in Roman times who had no trouble with slavery because their culture taught them that it was okay. We must be on our guard to see if our cultural assumptions are interfering with our perception of God's law.
I was struck by the illustration of this point that I once saw in a TV show. In the show, the (woman) President had started as essentially a strong political liberal but had grown deeply in touch with her religious beliefs, relying on her faith and holy book to guide her policy as commander-in-chief. So strong was her faith that she undertook a mission which risked many thousands of lives entirely based on her beliefs. However, in a subsequent episode the subject of abortion was raised. The religious leaders she talked to, the same ones with whom she had previously consulted for her faith-based operation, were all strongly opposed to any form of abortion. However, the President immediately dismissed out of hand the idea of banning abortion, angrily stating that she had "fought for women's reproductive rights for my whole career" and would not restrict them now. Her tone made it clear that the topic was not up for discussion, as the idea was not one she would consider.
I think the writers had intended to make a very different point through the situation, but what I drew from it was this: Here was a woman who claimed to believe; indeed, who had just risked her own life and the lives of others based exclusively on the assumption that her beliefs were true. And yet when that same faith asked her to give up one of her cherished ideas, one of her cultural values, one of her unexamined assumptions, she would not. Not only did she not want to, she wasn't even open to the possibility of following her faith and not her long-held political stance. The idea of "reproductive rights," a cultural value, had become so deeply ingrained in her thinking that she let it stand directly between her and her faith.
To me, this seems profoundly irrational; if her faith is true, as she claimed to believe, why listen to it some of the time and not all the time? But people do the same thing every day. There are the homosexuals who want to believe in everything the Bible says except the part about homosexuality being wrong, the women who believe in everything except (biblically-defined) submissiveness, those who claim to believe in Christian teachings but don't acknowledge Christ as the only Way to the Father, those who believe in Christ as a great moral teacher but not as the Incarnate God, and on and on.
We all have a tendency to let our unexamined assumptions keep us from adhering to the truth. Often we do it even though we know better -- I've read the parts of the Bible about forgiving others so that I'll be forgiven, yet I still want to hold grudges at times. I know that God tells us not to worry about what we'll wear or what we'll eat, but I still worry about those things.
I think what happens in these instances is that we do not allow ourselves to consider these issues, instead relying on the same cultural assumptions which prove to us, without a need for argument, that slavery is wrong or that women should be equal to men. While these cultural values can be good, as in those examples, they also allow us to skip the whole process of considering whether certain ideas or behaviors are consistent with biblical truth -- we just "know" that certain things are acceptable, so we don't need to consult with our knowledge of the Bible. If we did, however, we might realize that the thing we "know" is untrue.
I think the important element is to stop and consider, when we find our behavior or thinking at odds with biblical truth, what our reasoning is. If I stop to consider why I'm worrying about money, I have to start drawing up an argument which explains why I should be allowed to do something which God has told me I need not do. As I attempt to do so, I see that any argument I could make is flimsy and insubstantial. I don't really have a good reason to be worrying about money, except that American culture has inculcated the idea in me that I should. One would hope that the fictional president discussed above would realize, as she tried to make an argument as to why she should oppose the teachings of her own faith, that she was letting her cultural assumptions interfere with adherence to her religious beliefs.
I think the best thing we can do is try to be aware when we consider a course of action which is contrary to biblical teaching. In the future, if such a course seems right, it would be good to try to square it with Scripture. Does this action really comply with Scripture, or oppose it? If it opposes Scripture, is there any justification which could objectively explain it? Could I convince a disinterested person that my reasoning is sound, and not rationalization?
For my part, I hope that in the future an awareness and consideration of the assumptions which inform my thought process will help me to make decisions which are better and more grounded in the truth of Scripture.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
What is "dating" anyway?
Here is a deceptively simple-sounding question that many people get wrong: "What is dating?"
From dictionary.com:
"v. dat·ed, dat·ing, dates v. tr.
To mark or supply with a date: date a letter.
To determine the date of: date a fossil.
To betray the age of: Pictures of old cars date the book.
To go on a date or dates with" [emphasis supplied].
So, at a minimum, "dating" means to "go on a date or dates with" another. Wow - that is profound is it not? So, wait a minute - does that mean "dating" isn't the same thing as. say, a "relationship?" Well, relationships are another topic for another blog, but suffice it to say, people in relationships do go on dates, but it doesn't logically follow that everyone who goes on a date is automatically in a relationship.
You may ask, "What does a blog about 'Applied Truth & Interest' have to do with the proper definition of dating?" What wonderful question! Rather than redirecting you to my initial blog post, which covers the rather wide subject matter for this blog, which I call "ATI," suffice it to say that the Lord has truth for every subject, and it is my firm belief that the Church needs a strong does of truth on the subject of dating. To illustrate why, I am going to share a story with you, my plethora of readers...
My best friend is "single," but he periodically goes on dates with different women in hopes of, eventually, finding that one woman who will convince him to forever abandon bachelorhood. When he visits us from out of state, as he often does, my wife and I like to try to arrange a "date" for him with one or more Christian girls we know in the area. Why do we do this? First, because we are trying desperately to convince him to move to Georgia. Second, we do this because we believe that my friend is that rare sort of man who will actually make a good and Godly husband for his wife, when the time comes. We think our great female friends deserve a shot at an honest, hard-working, fashionable, and extremely intelligent friend, who we love like a blood brother. We also want to see our friends happy. After all, God himself saw that it is not good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18).
This sounds like a great idea, but here's the catch: modern Christian "religion" has come out very strongly against "dating." Illustration: on my friend's last visit (yes - I am intentionally avoiding the use of his name), my wife attempted to arrange a date with two different girls she knows. Both of these girls are, to the best of my knowledge, the real deal: single, avid lovers of Christ. One girl jumped at the opportunity (kudos to her). The other, however, said something very silly to my wife that I have been hearing more and more from other Christians in the past few years - Christians who are otherwise sensible, intelligent people.
The second girl, however, told my wife that, "I have never been on a date before, and I am very proud of that. I am waiting." Waiting for what? I don't know. I hope she is waiting for God to send the right man her way, which at least demonstrates that she has a rational grasp of what it is that she wants in life. Unfortunately, she has absolutely no idea of what she would do if God were to deliver that man to her doorstep tomorrow, because she has never been on a date...
Perhaps more to the point, this young woman was proud of her naivete. She was proud that she had no practical experience relating to men as potential suitors! If tomorrow God sent a genuinely great man to her doorstep, what would she do? Say this great man is truly the "one" that God has in store for her - what next? If they are destined to be married, I hate to disappoint, but odds are any decent guy is going to want to start small and go on a date before dashing to the altar and exchanging rings.
I credit a large part of the silliness surrounding dating to a very kind-hearted, well-intentioned man named Joshua Harris (check his entry out on Wikepdia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joshua_Harris). Please make no mistake, I am not attacking this dedicated man of God. However, his book, "How I Kissed Dating Goodbye," has sold over a million copies. His other book, "Boy Meets Girl," was also a hit (I myself was once given a copy of it by an ex-girlfriend shortly after breaking up with her). However, sometimes I think that all Christians ever read of Mr. Harris' book are the titles. Josh Harris never suggested that Christians avoid dating; rather, he wrote about a suggested, alternative approach, which he calls "courtship." I call it semantics, and I believe that "courting" is, essentially, "dating." What he did correctly was suggest that dating should be done from a Christian perspective, with goals and approaches that honor and glorify God.
Mr. Harris' mistake was in trusting people to read more than the front cover of a book. The title, "How I Kissed Dating Goodbye," when used by a Christian author, misleadingly implies that dating, in any form, is unbiblical or even sinful. Of course, a mere glance at Mr. Harris' quotes on the Wikipedia page for "How I Kissed Dating Goodbye"
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Kissed_Dating_Goodbye) reveals that was not his intention. He was trying to help believers who have suffered the pains of secular dating find a Biblical alternative.
Here's the point: introducing the Bible to any situation is a positive approach. However, to suggest that there is a pain-free approach to dating is not Biblical. There is no such thing as a life with out pain or disappointment. There is a life of hope, however, that the Lord will NEVER leave you nor forsake you (see the latter half of Heb 13:5).
Jeremiah 32:17 proclaims, "O Sovereign Lord! You have made the heavens and earth by Your great power. Nothing is too hard for You!" How many of you believe that "nothing" includes guiding you safely through dating and relationships to marriage? How many are willing to believe that God will ease their suffering at rejection or disappointment?
Some of you aren't there yet, though. Like the girl from my story, you are "waiting." What are you waiting for? Are you waiting for God to do all the work for you? Maybe he will, but Ruth didn't bet on that. Read the 3rd chapter of the book of Ruth: when Ruth received a word of God-inspired counsel from Naomi, her mother-in-law from a deceased husband, Ruth seized it. Naomi saw that Ruth desired Boaz, so what was Naomi's advice? Check it out:
"Wash therefore and anoint yourself, and put on your cloak and go down to the threshing floor, but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking. But when he lies down, observe the place where he lies. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down, and he will tell you what to do" (Ruth 3:3-4).
Ruth didn't just wait for God to do all the work for her. She accepted wise, Godly counsel, and trusted the Lord to walk with her as she followed through with Naomi's instructions. What happened? "At midnight the man was startled and turned over, and behold, a woman lay at his feet! He said, 'Who are you?' And she answered, 'I am Ruth, your servant'" (Ruth 3:8-9). Boaz told Ruth not to fear (3:11), and the next several passages reveal the story of their marriage and Ruth's redemption (another topic for another blog).
Naomi told Ruth to stop waiting and go to Boaz. She didn't tell Ruth to wait for God to deliver Boaz directly to the altar. Would God have just dropped Boaz in Ruth's lap had she not seized the moment and followed Naomi's advice?
I obviously don't know for certain what might have been, but I believe that God often uses means other than outright miracles to act. In this story, the Lord used Naomi, who encouraged Ruth to actively pursue Boaz (see Ruth 3:1-2). Obviously, this was well with the Lord, because from this union came Obed, then Jesse, and, then, David. That's right: without Ruth's willingness to approach a man, there would have been no David. Can you imagine the Bible without David the King, father of Solomon?
Lets not overstate the case, though. Every marriage does not result in the birth of a critical world leader, but I do believe that God has a plan for each of us. You will be hard-pressed to find many examples in the Bible of God acting without any participation from man. There are miracles, yes, but even with the parting of the Red Sea, God required some minimal participation from Moses in extending his staff (Exodus 14:16). Both Jonah and Elijah fled from tasks appointed them by the Lord, but the Lord would not act without them. Whatever else you might believe about God's plan, he has a role for us to play in it. Certainly, the Lord does not need our participation, but he obviously desires it.
So what does all this have to do with dating? "Dating," for purposes of the advice I am about to give, means "to go on dates," which simply means spending time with and getting to know someone of the opposite sex. Like Josh Harris, I encourage you to approach dating from a Biblical perspective and to put God's goals for dating, relationships, and marriage before your own, selfish desires.
Good advice on dating and relationships, for some reason, is a difficult thing for Christians to find. In my own dating experience, before getting married, I learned for myself that Christian advice on how to date (rather than how to avoid it), is in very short supply. My advice, and this comes from experience, is to always trust the Lord, and to always be bold like Ruth.
Granted, Ruth didn't have to look long for Boaz, but then she got really good advice didn't she? Naomi didn't play around - she told Ruth to go lay at a man's feet when he's in a good, rested mood. When I was single, that would have worked on me ;)
Get the best advice you can on dating. It may not be mine: talk to your pastor. Show him this blog entry, and ask him what he thinks. All I am advising with this post is this: don't stick your head in the mud and expect God to deliver the love of your life to your doorstep, hog-tied, and bearing an engagement ring. Instead, consider going on a date. Whether you are a man or a woman reading this, if you aren't willing to invite someone on a date, then at least be willing to say "yes" when asked. If you don't do the asking, then you'll obviously be limited to choosing from those who ask you.
Also consider that "dating" doesn't necessarily mean relationships or require any sexual immorality. It means meeting someone and getting to know him or her better, with the assumption that there is the potential (but not a guarantee) for something more later on. Sometimes the 1st date is the last one you will ever go on, but for most people it takes a little more than that. Consider, however, that you will ideally only marry one of the people you date, so don't go in expecting every date (or every relationship for that matter) to lead to marital bliss. That is setting yourself up for heartache and disappointment.
Instead, I encourage you to see dating as a chance to have some fun with someone while getting to know him/her better. Breathe easy, because you know upfront that the odds are against any given date being the one that leads to marriage, or even a relationship/commitment. Why would you expect that before you've even had a first date? There's a good chance you will be the one who doesn't want to go any further than date #1. Ergo, I am recommending that you remove the pressure by adjusting your expectations to a more realistic level.
If dating were gardening, then go on the date, have fun, and think of it as a seed planted. Don't plant just one seed, don't sit and obsess over the seed or wait on it to grow, and don't get mad at the seed if it never grows at all. All we can do is plant our seeds, water and feed them, then leave it to God to decide which seeds grow and how much. After we've done our part, we can rest easy knowing that the rest is in God's capable hands. Remember, this is the God that never leaves nor forsakes you.
I planted a few seeds in my time. I dated a lot, had a few relationships, and got engaged twice. I got married once. I believe now, looking back, that through those past dates, relationships, and through the one engagement that didn't result in marriage, God taught me things in each of those situations - things that he wanted me to learn before I could be a good husband to one of His daughters.
Don't be arrogant. We all need to learn things about relating to the opposite sex before we get married, some of us more than others. Dating is a tool. If you hit your thumb with a hammer, does it make sense to curse the hammer? Okay, so some of us have done that. Still, it makes no sense to condemn dating because we get hurt doing it. Ultimately, the pain has less to do with "dating" and more to do with the people involved.
And, if anyone reading this blog is a single Christian girl in need of a date, I have this great friend...
UPDATE (9/2009): an in-depth reply to the in-depth comment of Jessica below may be found here.
From dictionary.com:
"v. dat·ed, dat·ing, dates v. tr.
To mark or supply with a date: date a letter.
To determine the date of: date a fossil.
To betray the age of: Pictures of old cars date the book.
To go on a date or dates with" [emphasis supplied].
So, at a minimum, "dating" means to "go on a date or dates with" another. Wow - that is profound is it not? So, wait a minute - does that mean "dating" isn't the same thing as. say, a "relationship?" Well, relationships are another topic for another blog, but suffice it to say, people in relationships do go on dates, but it doesn't logically follow that everyone who goes on a date is automatically in a relationship.
You may ask, "What does a blog about 'Applied Truth & Interest' have to do with the proper definition of dating?" What wonderful question! Rather than redirecting you to my initial blog post, which covers the rather wide subject matter for this blog, which I call "ATI," suffice it to say that the Lord has truth for every subject, and it is my firm belief that the Church needs a strong does of truth on the subject of dating. To illustrate why, I am going to share a story with you, my plethora of readers...
My best friend is "single," but he periodically goes on dates with different women in hopes of, eventually, finding that one woman who will convince him to forever abandon bachelorhood. When he visits us from out of state, as he often does, my wife and I like to try to arrange a "date" for him with one or more Christian girls we know in the area. Why do we do this? First, because we are trying desperately to convince him to move to Georgia. Second, we do this because we believe that my friend is that rare sort of man who will actually make a good and Godly husband for his wife, when the time comes. We think our great female friends deserve a shot at an honest, hard-working, fashionable, and extremely intelligent friend, who we love like a blood brother. We also want to see our friends happy. After all, God himself saw that it is not good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18).
This sounds like a great idea, but here's the catch: modern Christian "religion" has come out very strongly against "dating." Illustration: on my friend's last visit (yes - I am intentionally avoiding the use of his name), my wife attempted to arrange a date with two different girls she knows. Both of these girls are, to the best of my knowledge, the real deal: single, avid lovers of Christ. One girl jumped at the opportunity (kudos to her). The other, however, said something very silly to my wife that I have been hearing more and more from other Christians in the past few years - Christians who are otherwise sensible, intelligent people.
The second girl, however, told my wife that, "I have never been on a date before, and I am very proud of that. I am waiting." Waiting for what? I don't know. I hope she is waiting for God to send the right man her way, which at least demonstrates that she has a rational grasp of what it is that she wants in life. Unfortunately, she has absolutely no idea of what she would do if God were to deliver that man to her doorstep tomorrow, because she has never been on a date...
Perhaps more to the point, this young woman was proud of her naivete. She was proud that she had no practical experience relating to men as potential suitors! If tomorrow God sent a genuinely great man to her doorstep, what would she do? Say this great man is truly the "one" that God has in store for her - what next? If they are destined to be married, I hate to disappoint, but odds are any decent guy is going to want to start small and go on a date before dashing to the altar and exchanging rings.
I credit a large part of the silliness surrounding dating to a very kind-hearted, well-intentioned man named Joshua Harris (check his entry out on Wikepdia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joshua_Harris). Please make no mistake, I am not attacking this dedicated man of God. However, his book, "How I Kissed Dating Goodbye," has sold over a million copies. His other book, "Boy Meets Girl," was also a hit (I myself was once given a copy of it by an ex-girlfriend shortly after breaking up with her). However, sometimes I think that all Christians ever read of Mr. Harris' book are the titles. Josh Harris never suggested that Christians avoid dating; rather, he wrote about a suggested, alternative approach, which he calls "courtship." I call it semantics, and I believe that "courting" is, essentially, "dating." What he did correctly was suggest that dating should be done from a Christian perspective, with goals and approaches that honor and glorify God.
Mr. Harris' mistake was in trusting people to read more than the front cover of a book. The title, "How I Kissed Dating Goodbye," when used by a Christian author, misleadingly implies that dating, in any form, is unbiblical or even sinful. Of course, a mere glance at Mr. Harris' quotes on the Wikipedia page for "How I Kissed Dating Goodbye"
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Kissed_Dating_Goodbye) reveals that was not his intention. He was trying to help believers who have suffered the pains of secular dating find a Biblical alternative.
Here's the point: introducing the Bible to any situation is a positive approach. However, to suggest that there is a pain-free approach to dating is not Biblical. There is no such thing as a life with out pain or disappointment. There is a life of hope, however, that the Lord will NEVER leave you nor forsake you (see the latter half of Heb 13:5).
Jeremiah 32:17 proclaims, "O Sovereign Lord! You have made the heavens and earth by Your great power. Nothing is too hard for You!" How many of you believe that "nothing" includes guiding you safely through dating and relationships to marriage? How many are willing to believe that God will ease their suffering at rejection or disappointment?
Some of you aren't there yet, though. Like the girl from my story, you are "waiting." What are you waiting for? Are you waiting for God to do all the work for you? Maybe he will, but Ruth didn't bet on that. Read the 3rd chapter of the book of Ruth: when Ruth received a word of God-inspired counsel from Naomi, her mother-in-law from a deceased husband, Ruth seized it. Naomi saw that Ruth desired Boaz, so what was Naomi's advice? Check it out:
"Wash therefore and anoint yourself, and put on your cloak and go down to the threshing floor, but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking. But when he lies down, observe the place where he lies. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down, and he will tell you what to do" (Ruth 3:3-4).
Ruth didn't just wait for God to do all the work for her. She accepted wise, Godly counsel, and trusted the Lord to walk with her as she followed through with Naomi's instructions. What happened? "At midnight the man was startled and turned over, and behold, a woman lay at his feet! He said, 'Who are you?' And she answered, 'I am Ruth, your servant'" (Ruth 3:8-9). Boaz told Ruth not to fear (3:11), and the next several passages reveal the story of their marriage and Ruth's redemption (another topic for another blog).
Naomi told Ruth to stop waiting and go to Boaz. She didn't tell Ruth to wait for God to deliver Boaz directly to the altar. Would God have just dropped Boaz in Ruth's lap had she not seized the moment and followed Naomi's advice?
I obviously don't know for certain what might have been, but I believe that God often uses means other than outright miracles to act. In this story, the Lord used Naomi, who encouraged Ruth to actively pursue Boaz (see Ruth 3:1-2). Obviously, this was well with the Lord, because from this union came Obed, then Jesse, and, then, David. That's right: without Ruth's willingness to approach a man, there would have been no David. Can you imagine the Bible without David the King, father of Solomon?
Lets not overstate the case, though. Every marriage does not result in the birth of a critical world leader, but I do believe that God has a plan for each of us. You will be hard-pressed to find many examples in the Bible of God acting without any participation from man. There are miracles, yes, but even with the parting of the Red Sea, God required some minimal participation from Moses in extending his staff (Exodus 14:16). Both Jonah and Elijah fled from tasks appointed them by the Lord, but the Lord would not act without them. Whatever else you might believe about God's plan, he has a role for us to play in it. Certainly, the Lord does not need our participation, but he obviously desires it.
So what does all this have to do with dating? "Dating," for purposes of the advice I am about to give, means "to go on dates," which simply means spending time with and getting to know someone of the opposite sex. Like Josh Harris, I encourage you to approach dating from a Biblical perspective and to put God's goals for dating, relationships, and marriage before your own, selfish desires.
Good advice on dating and relationships, for some reason, is a difficult thing for Christians to find. In my own dating experience, before getting married, I learned for myself that Christian advice on how to date (rather than how to avoid it), is in very short supply. My advice, and this comes from experience, is to always trust the Lord, and to always be bold like Ruth.
Granted, Ruth didn't have to look long for Boaz, but then she got really good advice didn't she? Naomi didn't play around - she told Ruth to go lay at a man's feet when he's in a good, rested mood. When I was single, that would have worked on me ;)
Get the best advice you can on dating. It may not be mine: talk to your pastor. Show him this blog entry, and ask him what he thinks. All I am advising with this post is this: don't stick your head in the mud and expect God to deliver the love of your life to your doorstep, hog-tied, and bearing an engagement ring. Instead, consider going on a date. Whether you are a man or a woman reading this, if you aren't willing to invite someone on a date, then at least be willing to say "yes" when asked. If you don't do the asking, then you'll obviously be limited to choosing from those who ask you.
Also consider that "dating" doesn't necessarily mean relationships or require any sexual immorality. It means meeting someone and getting to know him or her better, with the assumption that there is the potential (but not a guarantee) for something more later on. Sometimes the 1st date is the last one you will ever go on, but for most people it takes a little more than that. Consider, however, that you will ideally only marry one of the people you date, so don't go in expecting every date (or every relationship for that matter) to lead to marital bliss. That is setting yourself up for heartache and disappointment.
Instead, I encourage you to see dating as a chance to have some fun with someone while getting to know him/her better. Breathe easy, because you know upfront that the odds are against any given date being the one that leads to marriage, or even a relationship/commitment. Why would you expect that before you've even had a first date? There's a good chance you will be the one who doesn't want to go any further than date #1. Ergo, I am recommending that you remove the pressure by adjusting your expectations to a more realistic level.
If dating were gardening, then go on the date, have fun, and think of it as a seed planted. Don't plant just one seed, don't sit and obsess over the seed or wait on it to grow, and don't get mad at the seed if it never grows at all. All we can do is plant our seeds, water and feed them, then leave it to God to decide which seeds grow and how much. After we've done our part, we can rest easy knowing that the rest is in God's capable hands. Remember, this is the God that never leaves nor forsakes you.
I planted a few seeds in my time. I dated a lot, had a few relationships, and got engaged twice. I got married once. I believe now, looking back, that through those past dates, relationships, and through the one engagement that didn't result in marriage, God taught me things in each of those situations - things that he wanted me to learn before I could be a good husband to one of His daughters.
Don't be arrogant. We all need to learn things about relating to the opposite sex before we get married, some of us more than others. Dating is a tool. If you hit your thumb with a hammer, does it make sense to curse the hammer? Okay, so some of us have done that. Still, it makes no sense to condemn dating because we get hurt doing it. Ultimately, the pain has less to do with "dating" and more to do with the people involved.
And, if anyone reading this blog is a single Christian girl in need of a date, I have this great friend...
UPDATE (9/2009): an in-depth reply to the in-depth comment of Jessica below may be found here.
Friday, January 2, 2009
And so it begins, with naught but a word of encouragement from my wife.
If something is worth doing, then it is worth doing well, or so my grandfather believed. I've learned a lot of things about a variety of topics from a lot of people: parents, grandparents, friends, loved ones, professors and paupers. I'd like to think that my greatest teacher has been the Lord, though I realize that I should spend far more time picking His brain.
Encouragement, however, is something that I have learned from three people: first, my mother encouraged me to like and appreciate myself, to have confidence and self-respect; second, my father encouraged me to believe that nothing is beyond my grasp if I work for it; and, third, my wife has encouraged me to take the first step.
My hope is that, one day, looking back on my life, people will care to ask me why, after so many abandoned attempts, I finally decided to write. Maybe, if I am blessed, they will ask what inspired me to do so. When that day comes, I will tell them that:
"It began, with naught but a word of encouragement from my wife, who convinced me that there were people out there who wanted to read the things I had to write."
No one subject compels or interest me above all others, and I find it hard to believe that people want to read what I might write about, but I try to take seriously the things my wife says. More so than myself, Stephanie has a feeling for what "normal" people do and think. Not being even remotely normal myself, I appreciate having her as a compass to point me in the correct direction. Personally, I think it is wisest to write about things that interest you, so that is what I intend to do until someone has a better idea.
Therefore, I intend to write about truth, religion, politics, law, relationships, dating, and marriage. If those subjects don't seem interrelated to you, my many prospective readers, then you probably do need to read some of the things I intend to write.
As an attorney, it could be said that I get paid to give advice. While I may write blogs that contain advice, any advice given cannot be taken as legal advice. If you want quality advice or counsel, you need to see an attorney in real life and let him/her advise you with the benefit of all the information you can give him/her (lies an omissions only hurt the advice-seeker, not the advisor). Nothing written on this site is intended as legal advice nor should it be relied upon as such. There is no attorney-client relationship between the author of this blog and any reader unless the author agrees, in writing, to such enter into such a relationship. Thanks.
Now that the disclaimer has been given, I will feel silly if no one reads my blog, but my wife believes someone will. And I trust my wife.
Encouragement, however, is something that I have learned from three people: first, my mother encouraged me to like and appreciate myself, to have confidence and self-respect; second, my father encouraged me to believe that nothing is beyond my grasp if I work for it; and, third, my wife has encouraged me to take the first step.
My hope is that, one day, looking back on my life, people will care to ask me why, after so many abandoned attempts, I finally decided to write. Maybe, if I am blessed, they will ask what inspired me to do so. When that day comes, I will tell them that:
"It began, with naught but a word of encouragement from my wife, who convinced me that there were people out there who wanted to read the things I had to write."
No one subject compels or interest me above all others, and I find it hard to believe that people want to read what I might write about, but I try to take seriously the things my wife says. More so than myself, Stephanie has a feeling for what "normal" people do and think. Not being even remotely normal myself, I appreciate having her as a compass to point me in the correct direction. Personally, I think it is wisest to write about things that interest you, so that is what I intend to do until someone has a better idea.
Therefore, I intend to write about truth, religion, politics, law, relationships, dating, and marriage. If those subjects don't seem interrelated to you, my many prospective readers, then you probably do need to read some of the things I intend to write.
As an attorney, it could be said that I get paid to give advice. While I may write blogs that contain advice, any advice given cannot be taken as legal advice. If you want quality advice or counsel, you need to see an attorney in real life and let him/her advise you with the benefit of all the information you can give him/her (lies an omissions only hurt the advice-seeker, not the advisor). Nothing written on this site is intended as legal advice nor should it be relied upon as such. There is no attorney-client relationship between the author of this blog and any reader unless the author agrees, in writing, to such enter into such a relationship. Thanks.
Now that the disclaimer has been given, I will feel silly if no one reads my blog, but my wife believes someone will. And I trust my wife.
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