Free Legal Tip No. 1: Avoid Court by Making Peace

If you are reading ATI (this blog), then you most likely believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, made flesh, and sacrificed for our sins. Assuming this is true, then you should be aware that Jesus had a few things to say about resolving conflicts. I am writing this post not only because I am interested in the subject personally and professionally, but also because I believe that many if not most churches have dropped the ball in this area.

To start the ball rolling again, lets look at Christ's words:

" 15If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18Truly, I say to you,whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven" (Matt 18:15-18).

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God" (Matt 5:9).

These verses are famous. Notice, these scripture are not directed at non-believers. They are a command to children of God to resolve their disputes in a way that is different from how the secular world resolves its disputes. When was the last time you heard of or saw someone take a dispute before the church body or leadership? Again, many churches have dropped the ball, but so have many believers. After all, the process starts with the believer, not with the church.

First, Christ advises us to attempt to resolve disputes among believers privately, by discussion between just the persons involved (see Matt 18:15). If a private discussion does not resolve the dispute, then Christ advises us to bring it before 1 or 2 other believers (Matt 18:16), but if the conflict continues, then Christ advises us to take it before the Church (Matt 18:17). Where someone refuses to listen to the Church, Christ advises us to treat him in the same fashion as a non-believer (Matt 18:17). Regardless, Christ has taught us that those who seek first to make peace shall be blessed (Matt 5:9).

As an attorney, I often see people, even believers, taking others to court. Often, the decision to sue someone is a person's immediate reaction to a conflict/dispute, and that is unfortunate. It is true that I get paid to handle litigation (civil lawsuits), but it is also true that I get paid to help people find less expensive, less damaging ways to resolve their problems. My favorite method is "Christian conciliation," which is a fancy way of saying: resolve your disputes Biblically!

There are many reasons to look to the Bible when presented with a dispute. The first is, obviously, to please, honor, and glorify God. Every conflict/dispute is an opportunity to for those involved to glorify God by following His Word. A second reason to resolve a dispute Biblically is that the Bible promises that persons striving to make peace will be blessed (Matthew 5 does not qualify that statement). Probably, any remaining advantages to Biblical resolution of disputes/conflicts flow from that blessing. However, to be more specific, there are three more really good reasons to resolve your disputes Biblically: (1) it works; and (2) it focuses on reparining damaged relationships not just chasing money; and (3) it is almost always cheaper/more cost-effective than going to court.

The following is a common fee structure for a superior court in Georgia: $85 to file for divorce; $80 for other civil actions (including business disputes and personal injuries); and $25 each time the sheriff has to serve someone with process (at least once per each defendant in a lawsuit). These fees are in addition to those of your attorney. Attorneys handle most cases on an hourly rate or a flat rate based on a projected number of hours at an hourly rate, so the longer it takes to resolve your dispute, the more it will cost you.

Litigation begins with the filing of a complaint and continues through judgment and all appeals. This process can take years to complete. The discovery (investigation) phase alone can last up to 6 months or more. While litigation might result in you receiving a money judgment, there is never a guarantee you will win. If you lose, then you are worse off than when you started. If you win, you may still get a judgment for an amount less than the cost of bringing the lawsuit, making the lawsuit a waste of time and money. Even if you get a huge judgment, it has to be collected, and it is tough to "squeeze blood out of a turnip," so to speak.

So, what is the Biblical alternative? First, try to work out your disputes privately, just like Christ encouraged. Often, conflicts can just be "taked out." Sometimes, in more difficult situations, negotiation resulting in a written agreement can be used to both prevent and settle disputes (it is often helpful, even at this stage, to get a legal professional to actually draft any written agreements to ensure that they will work in court, but you can also do it yourself).

If you cannot resolve a conflict with a fellow believer privately, then get a couple brothers/sisters from church to listen to all sides and help you work out the dispute. If that doesn't work, then get your pastor and the church involved. Surely you trust men and women of God to judge your dispute more than you would a secular judge/jury?

If none of these options work, then Christ tells us treat that opponent as a non-believer (assuming s/he is a believer to begin with). When that happens, it is time to discuss your options with an attorney (if you have not done so already). Remember, if you truly cannot afford to hire an attorney - there are non-profit organizations like Legal Aid available to assist you.

A good attorney will listen to your problem and walk you through the pros and cons of each option available to you (as opposed to just telling you what to do with no explanation). A good attorney should also advise you that there are alternatives to litigation and courts, even when dealing with non-believers. Your attorney can often negotiate a settlement or help you in obtaining a mediation or arbitration of the dispute. Mediation involves sitting down with a skilled mediator who listens to both sides and helps them find a mutually agreeable solution to the problem that the parties sign off on as a legally binding settlement. Arbitration is an alternative to litigation and trials where an arbitrator hears both sides and issues and issues a legally binding decision (much like a judge).

If you hire a Christian attorney (I know we're rare, but we do exist), then he will (hopefully) introduce you to Peacemaker Ministries (http://www.peacemaker.net/), which provides believers with Christian mediation and arbitration services that will focus on repairing the relationships involved rather than just the conflicts.

As a last resort, you can still take your opponent(s) to court. Christ advises us treat believers who refuse to resolve their disputes Biblically as though they were non-believers. Sometimes, it is best to "turn the other cheek," but this does not always result in making peace. Peacemakers are blessed, not peacefakers (the term "peacefaker" was coined by Ken Sande, president of Peacemaker Ministries and author of "The Peacemaker").

Ignoring a continuing, ongoing dispute is not making but faking peace by turning a blind eye to the conflict. There are disputes that have to be actively resolved, and "turning the other cheek" does not mean that we can just ignore all our problems until they go away. I could write a whole post on discerning which disputes can be overlooked and which ones cannot, but suffice it to say that there are disputes/conflicts (such as physical abuse, marital strife, employment disputes...) that must be resolved and cannot be overlooked if peace is to be made. When such a conflict arises, it is always wise to seek the Lord's will first. It is also wise, when someone is physically hurting you, to immediately seek legal counsel and judicial intervention to keep you safe until a solution is found and peace can be made.

Whatever you decide, remember that, as a Christian, we must consider both what gives glory to God and what will result in peace. Often the best way to discern what will give God glory in a situation is to read His Word, mediate upon it, and to pray. God will lead you out of the darkness.

Bottom line: going to court isn't cheap, and while it might get you some money, it rarely glorifies God or repairs any damage to the relationships involved. Also, there are usually alternatives available that are more efficient and cost-effective.

***Disclaimer: I am an attorney, but I am not YOUR attorney, meaning that the advice in this blog post is general advice for the masses and not tailored to anyone's specific needs/concerns/issues. I advise anyone with a legal question or a conflict to speak with an attorney and give that attorney the benefit of all the facts. Obviously, the best legal advice will come from a skilled and trustworthy attorney fully acquainted with the situation you are facing rather than someone offering legal tips on a blog.

A Wise Man Seeks Wise Counsel (no. 2)

The point of this second post on the subject of following wise counsel is how to find it, how recognize it, and how implement it/put it into action in your life.

In the first part of this post (found here), I wrote about the wisdom of considering and following "wise counsel" (advice). I cited the following scriptures, which I will also refer to in this post:

"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise" (Proverbs 12:15). "By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom" (Proverbs 13:10). "The ear that hears the rebukes of life will abide among the wise. He who disdains instruction despises his own soul, but he who heeds rebuke gets understanding" (Proverbs 15:31). "Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days" (Proverbs 19:20).

I have a very simple method for finding/recognizing wise counsel, and I call it, "Defer to the superior pool of knowledge." This is not a Bible verse, so remember that when applying this principle: it's not necessarily fool-proof. However, it generally has worked for me (when I was wise enough to apply it).

Deferring to the superior pool of knowledge means, essentially, trust the judgment and advice of people who are speaking from a position of expertise greater than your own. To an extent, you do this already: when their automobile transmission goes out, most people don't try to fix it themselves unless they are transmission specialists. If a restaurant owner is a bad cook, then s/he will probably hire a chef/cook to work in the kitchen. Similarly, a manager at a software company who has no experience in coding software had better hire a good programmer (hint: I am nodding in Rob's direction with that one).

It seems so obvious that, when there is a fire, we should call the fire department, and when someone breaks into our house we should call the police. Of course, I think we can agree that the plumber is the man to call to fix the pipes in our house, but what about the ones in our chest? Who among us after a heart attack hires a plumber to perform open-heart surgery? Any takers on that one?

However, how many of us have tried to save a dime on a home improvement project only to find we made the problem far worse than it originally was? Ever had a problem cost more to fix because you made it worse by trying to fix it on your own? How many people have tried to resolve a legal dispute without consulting an attorney (wink-wink). How many of us have risked being found guilty (or actually been found guilty) of tax fraud because we thought we could itemize our tax return just as well as a tax pro (nodding at my wife)? How many people try to resolve dangerous marital disputes without consulting their pastor (hello - God invented marriage...)? Anyone without a degree in finance or economics feel like playing the stock market without first getting some good advice?

Sometimes, we human beings tend to think that we are an island unto ourselves, capable of tackling any problem. However, most of us don't know everything. I readily admit that there is always someone out there who knows more about a given subject than I do. My wife knows more about preparing tax returns than I could ever hope, and Rob definitely knows more about computers than I do. Neither of them, however, knows more about the law than I do. These differences in skills do not represent a competition between us. Rather, our different abilities represent an opportunity for us to help each other and provide each other wise counsel on different subject matter.

I know enough about income taxes to do my own, and I have done it before, but I would never think that I could do my income tax return better than my wife can. Rather than letting pride be my downfall (see Proverbs 13:10 above), I admit that she knows more than I do, and I defer to her on income tax issues because she possesses a "pool of knowledge" superior to my own on that subject. Similarly, while I know a little bit about computers and programming, if I have a computer problem, then I call Rob. His pool of computer knowledge is superior to my own.

Admitting that people know some things better than I do allows me to get the best information before I make a decision. I try to remember that, "He who disdains instruction despises his own soul, but he who heeds rebuke gets understanding" (Proverbs 15:31). I benefit from the knowledge of the wise, and listening to their advice, on their areas of expertise makes my life easier. Also, according to God's word, listening to this kind of advice is a wise decision on my part.

Perhaps this seems obvious to some, but I know there are many people out their who just do not know how to take advice. Anyone who refuses to listen to advice, however, despises his own soul - it is in the Bible. So, the next time someone who has been happily married for 50 years gives you a tip on how to make your marriage work well, consider listening. Even if you have been married for 60 years, listening does not hurt. After all, time is not the only measure of experience. I am a better attorney than some others who have been practicing much longer than I have, but there are some attorneys who have been practicing for fewer years than I have who are better. There is no shame in admitting that - it's just true.

Admitting and accepting the truth puts me in the best position to identify who has more knowledge or talent on a given subject or issue than I do. Listening to such people enriches my own knowledge on the subject. Even if I do not follow their advice, by listening to it, I will remember it when time reveals who was right. If I was wrong, then perhaps I should have listened and need to reexamine my decision-making process.

I realize that sometimes the cost of hiring an expert is more than some of us can afford. If it weren't for insurance, most of us could not afford the services and expertise of a heart surgeon. Sometimes, wise counsel comes at a high price. Being a good steward of our money requires us to evaluate whether the cost is worth the benefit. I usually handle those situations by considering whether it is possible that I could handle the matter alone successfully. If not, then the expense might well be worth it. If I simply cannot afford the advice of on counselor, then I shop around to find one that I can.

This is also where family and friends come in handy. Your dad may not be a plumber, but if he is 20-30 years older than you, then he has been around long enough to have lived through a few clogged drains. Even if he cannot fix your sink, there is a good chance he knows of an honest plumber who will cut you a deal. Similarly, your mother may not be a lawyer, but she may know of one who can tell you what to do about that traffic ticket you can't believe you received.

Just remember, if you call your dad about that sink and he says, "I have no idea, but you might try taking it apart to see what is wrong," then you might want to get a second opinion before taking a wrench to that sink. Anytime someone admits that s/he has "no idea" about something, the advice that follows should be taken with a grain of salt unless that person's advice is sending you to someone more knowledgeable.

This is all pretty intuitive advice, but just because we all know it is true, does not mean it is easy to implement/use in our lives. So here is the secret: check your pride. Pride is what comes between people and good advice. Second, while you need to be responsible with your money, remember that it isn't very responsible to spend money on unessential things when you "cannot afford" the wise counsel you so desperately need. How many of us would spend $30 on dinner out with our spouse but balk at spending $30 on a phone conference with an accountant to make sure we can afford that dinner? So, not only do we need to check out pride at the door, but we need to check our budgets as well. Plan ahead - we all need advice, but wise advice rarely comes free. I recongize that, even if we budget for it, some of us cannot afford to pay for wise advice. Here's a tip: "Legal Aid" offers low or no cost legal services to those who truly cannot afford them. There are also medical clinics and hospitals that take indigent cases. If you cannot afford wise counsel, then there may be a non-profit entity out there designed to help you get the advice you need at a price you can afford.

I will end this post with a story I heard about from a friend of mine that I think serves as an excellent example of the danger of failing to seek and listen to wise counsel. A medical student was given a very large house in her divorce. She neither hired an attorney nor an accountant to assist her in the divorce. Apparently, her friends told her not to worry about it because the divorce was "uncontested," and the woman could not "afford to pay for advice" while she was already paying for her med school tuition. She also assumed that the "divorce judge" would make her aware of any potential problems. So, this woman read the separation agreement for herself and decided that she was "taking her husband to the cleaners." Because she was a medical student and considered herself to be a very intelligent person, it never occured to her that she might be reading the paperwork wrong or that separation contracts cannot always be read literally as though they were a book in a library.

However, when the property tax and homeowner's insurance bills came due, she discovered that she could pay neither. Her husband also failed to remind her that the house was subject to a mortgage. A reference to the mortgage was buried in the separation agreement and divorce papers.

Had she consulted a wise accountant, he would have told her that a house is never free: there are always hidden costs like property taxes, insurance premiums, and repairs. He would also have told her, most likely, that the bills related to maintaining a house are more than the average full-time medical student can afford.

Had this woman consulted a wise attorney, he would likely have either performed or obtained a title examination of the house, which would have revealed the mortgage (which was also referenced in her divorce papers, which she misread). The attorney would also have told her that judges are prohibitted by law from giving legal advice in the cases over which they preside. She didn't even consider applying for nonprofit legal aid, which would have given her legal counsel at little or no cost, because she thought that she was "smart enough" to handle the matter herself.

This woman lost all the money she received in her divorce settlement trying to trying to pay bills for the house that she could never have realistically afforded. What is the moral of the story? The woman should have gotten some wise counsel, who would have told her not to take responsibility for a house she could not afford. The expertise she needed most was that of a good real estate agent. Had she demanded the house be sold during the divorce, an option she never considered, she might have been able to pocket the difference between the sale price and the outstanding bills.

Was this woman dumb? No. She was very smart. However, she was not very wise. She was too filled with pride and arrogance to seek help. She could not afford to pay for the wise counsel that would have saved her thousands of dollars. Bottom line, we often cannot afford to do without wise counsel.

Arrogance and pride always come with a price tag. Sometimes, "do-it-yourself" is the wisest, most cost-effective course of action. However, before I build a wooden deck or cement porch in my backyard, you had better believe that I am calling my parents and talking to somebody who has done that kind of work before. I may be smart, but when it comes to home improvement, I know that I am not wise. Good thing I know some wise counsellors.

UPDATE: see the next article in this series here.

What is "truth," and where does it come from?

"What is truth?" That's the question. Believe it or not, this is an easy question for any Christian believer to answer. For those interested in more than is written below, however, I highly recommend looking into Focus on the Family's "The Truth Project." That series, hosted by Dr. Del Tackett, has been a true inspiration to me, and, more importantly, a real eye-opener.

I have said that the truth is God's and that he has revealed it to man in the Bible. If one believes that God is the Creator of all things, as I believe, then what greater authority can there be on the issue of truth? Who knows more about the truth than the Lord who created all things, including the very concept of truth.

John 18:32-38, cited below in the English Standard Version ("ESV") and copy/pasted from biblegateway.com, contains a starting revelation for many believers:

"33(AN) So Pilate entered his headquarters again and called Jesus and said to him,(AO) 'Are you the King of the Jews?' 34Jesus answered, 'Do you say this of your own accord, or did others say it to you about me?' 35Pilate answered, 'Am I a Jew? Your own nation and the chief priests have delivered you over to me. What have you done?' 36Jesus answered, (AP) 'My kingdom(AQ) is not of this world. If my kingdom were of this world,(AR) my servants would have been fighting, that(AS) I might not be delivered over to the Jews. But my kingdom is not from the world.' 37Then Pilate said to him, 'So you are a king?' Jesus answered, (AT) 'You say that I am a king.(AU) For this purpose I was born and for this purpose(AV) I have come into the world—(AW) to bear witness to the truth.(AX) Everyone who is(AY) of the truth(AZ) listens to my voice.' 38Pilate said to him, 'What is truth?' After he had said this,(BA) he went back outside to the Jews and told them,(BB) 'I find no guilt in him' [emphasis supplied].

It is important for all believers to know that the saving grace they enjoy and are so eager to share is but a part of Christ's purpose, which was to testify to the truth. The most important thing we can realize about Christ is that he had an absolute grasp of the truth, and he came to this Earth as God-made-flesh to share it with us. This is so important because, for those of us who follow Christ and accept his testimony (to the truth), Christ said (to those present at the Mount of Olives) that the truth will set them free (John 8:31).

Of course, many Jews questioned this at first. They reminded Christ that they, themselves, had never been slaves to anyone. They also reminded Christ that they were Jews, the heirs of Abraham. Christ replied to them in the excerpt from John 8 below:

"34Jesus answered them, 'Truly, truly, I say to you,(BF) everyone who commits sin is a slave[b] to sin. 35(BG) The slave does not remain in the house forever;(BH) the son remains forever. 36So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. 37I know that you are offspring of Abraham; yet(BI) you seek to kill me because my word finds no place in you. 38(BJ) I speak of what I have seen with my Father, and you do what you have heard(BK) from your father,'" [emphasis supplied].

We are all in bondage, whether we realize it or not. Christ said that those who commit sin are slaves to it. He told them that the truth he testifies to shall set them free. When Christ told Pilate this, Pilate may have said "What is truth," but when he addressed the crowd after confronting Christ about the Jews' accusations, Pilate told them that he could find no fault in Jesus and offered to free him.

Those Jews at the Mount of Olives, having heard this same message about the truth, continued to question their bondage to sin. Like many Jews today, they believed that their inheritance from Abraham made them true, free sons of God. They argued this point with Jesus - that they were born of God, not of sexual immorality or sin. Again, Christ replied to their contentions in John 8:

"42Jesus said to them, (BR) 'If God were your Father, you would love me, for(BS) I came from God and(BT) I am here.(BU) I came not of my own accord, but(BV) he sent me. 43(BW) Why do you not understand what I say? It is because you cannot(BX) bear to hear my word. 44(BY) You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires.(BZ) He was a murderer from the beginning, and(CA) has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him.(CB) When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. 45But because I tell the truth, you do not believe me. 46Which one of you convicts me of sin? If I tell the truth, why do you not believe me? 47(CC) Whoever is of God hears the words of God.(CD) The reason why you do not hear them is that(CE) you are not of God.'"

We are not born into this world of God with an automatic instinct to do His will and works. Rather, Christ revealed to those at the Mount of Olives that they were born into this world with an instinct to sin. Reading carefully, Jesus made the point that Satan is the "father of lies" who "has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him." Why is that so important?

Because Satan keeps us in bondage to sin with lies. That is Satan's greatest tool against mankind: Satan uses lies that distort God's truth. Satan's deceptions have twisted God's truth to where our post-modern culture abhors it, and it causes even believers to sin.

Look at the issue of marriage: the Bible says that a wife should submit to her husband as to the Lord (Eph 5:22), but Satan has sold the world and some believers the lie that submission is a negative action, resulting in injustice and prejudice.

Go back to John 8 and see for yourself in verse 42 (cited above). Did Christ choose to come to Earth of his own desire? No - he did so because that was the will of God the Father who sent him! Just as Christ submitted his entire life to God, the apostle Paul told wives, "Submit to your own husbands as to the Lord" (Eph 5:22). He also wrote, "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands" (Eph 5:24).

Is submission to God's plan a negative thing? Christ didn't think so, yet so many believers gloss over Paul's words or, worse still, attempt to explain them away. Rather than reconciling the world to Word, so many believers attempt to reconcile the Word to the world. The process of interpreting the Bible to make sense in light of our supposedly enlightened culture plays right into Satan's plans. To make the submission of a wife to her husband a negative, unjust concept, requires the believer to buy into Satan's lies. Remember what Christ said to the Jews at the Mount of Olives? He told them that they were of their father the devil and that was why they could not hear his words to them.

This is why the truth is so important. While we are listening to Satan's lies, we will sin, and while we sin, we will be a slave to it. Wives will attempt to rule over their husbands, which husbands will cease to abide by their command to love their wives as Christ loved the Church (Eph 5:25), and with that discontent between parents, soon their children will cease to respect and obey as commanded (Eph 6:1). After all, children tend to follow the example of their parents, and what example does a wife rebelling against her husband set for their children? What does a child learn from a father who has lost all love and respect for their mother?

If just one of Satan's lies can undo an entire family, then how many are we willing to believe before we see that Christ was right - it is the truth that sets us free from sin! Faith and obedience to Christ is not forced upon mankind. Choosing to submit our lives to Christ is a voluntary and very positive act. Christ does not ensnare men with lies and traps - Satan does. Those accepting Christ's testimony of truth realize that the only true freedom is in voluntarily submitting their lives to Jesus Christ. That is truth.

No one can serve 2 masters, for s/he will love one and despise the other (Matt 6:24). So choose this day whom you will serve (Josh 24:15), but remember that there is but one true God (Deut 4:35). Ignoring God's truth, or trying to explain it away, can result only in bondage to sin and Satan, the father of all sin. When that happens, you have already bought the lies.

So, I choose the truth, and I believe Christ is God, made flesh, who died for our sins. Like Joshua, I say to all of you that, as for me and my house, we choose to serve the Lord, for there is no other like him to be found.